a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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