it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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