Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
