Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
