Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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