I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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