Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize