maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
