is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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