His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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