last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
