I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
