i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
