Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think my mom watched the whole time
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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