D3 body, D1 cock
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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