i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
