shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
