She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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