I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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