Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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