Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
