So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
