Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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