I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Im part way to drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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