First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
