xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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