Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
