He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
