I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
