I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
