im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
