Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
