Welp...herpes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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