he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
