i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The uberlube is also flammable
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
