Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
