he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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