There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
