I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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