I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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