the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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