i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
