i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
