went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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