Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
