i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize