Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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