do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
