I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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