Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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