soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
