The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sext me about skeletons
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
