I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
