so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
