never play flip cup with pint glasses
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
