You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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