You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
