I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
