dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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