Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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