did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
