I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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