im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
