A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
