what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know her cup size but not her name....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
