Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
