Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
