We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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