we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
