I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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