omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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