I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize