No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
