you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
