Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
