We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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