Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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