so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
