so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize