Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
