Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize