some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
