hell yes lets make some ravioli
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
