my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
