I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
