the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
