Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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