my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
