I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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