I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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