Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
