do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
