Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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