i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
