honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
