grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
