i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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