Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
