Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
