he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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