Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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