Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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