Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
