youre lurking in front of me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
