Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
