Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
