I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
